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10 Ways to Instill Character In Your Kids
Lehigh Valley Family
Written by Gwen Pongracz, Kids of Character
To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to create a menace to society.” These words were spoken by Teddy Roosevelt more than one hundred years ago but his philosophy is still valid today. Is it enough to raise smart children? Or do we also need to teach them to be good? Surely someone like Bernie Madoff is very well-educated in mind but appears to be lacking an education in morals. Madoff is a perfect example of Roosevelt’s claim that one without the other creates a menace to society as witnessed by the many lives that have been adversely affected by this one person’s lack of character.
Character education is what we do to teach our kids to be good. People are not born with good character. Character, like competence must be taught and developed – continuously.
One of the most important responsibilities of parents to their children and to society is to instill positive values, teach responsibility and promote good character. In a paper titled “Competence without Character is Our Biggest Threat” from the Center for Leadership and Ethics, the authors state that, “Children will never learn to be people of character unless they learn about character. They cannot be ethical if they do not understand ethics.”
If we want our children to grow up to become ethical, responsible citizens who will make good decisions in their personal lives, family lives and future work lives, we need to ensure that we teach them about good character and give them opportunities to practice and develop it. Children need to learn about core values or character traits – basic virtues that any socioeconomic, ethnic or religious group would hold dear. Among these would be values like compassion, courage, courtesy, fairness, honesty, kindness, loyalty, perseverance, respect and responsibility.If we all base our decisions on these values, we will be acting for the greater good, and society as a whole. As the great philosopher, Cicero, stated in the 1st century B.C., “Within the character of the citizen lies the welfare of the state.”
As children enter school, there are even more opportunities for them to learn good character. Children spend a good part of their day in school and character education is easily taught in social settings like the classroom, gym class, the lunchroom and organized clubs and sports. Character education is actually one of the items mandated by No Child Left Behind. And yet many schools do not focus on this matter. The irony is that they forego this area because they are so busy teaching so that students pass the math and reading tests also mandated by No Child Left Behind. Teachers have so much on their plates these days.But character education should be on the plate as well. Studies report that schools that have implemented effective character education programs have resulted in reduced office referrals, improved attendance and test scores, increased skills for conflict resolution, lessening of risky behavior and overall improved school climate. Research shows that effective character education programs go hand-in-hand with academic success.
When it is time for our youth to move into the workforce, they are lacking in many of the skills that employers require.This is evidenced by studies such as “The Ill-Prepared U.S. Workforce: Exploring the Challenges of Employer-Provided Workforce Readiness Training” by Corporate Voices, The Conference Board, The Society for Human Resource Management and the American Society for Training and Development. The Partnership for 21st Century Skills is a leading advocacy organization focused on infusing 21st century skills into education. The Partnership breaks down 21st century skills into various areas, one being Life and Career Skills which include: flexibility and adaptability, initiative and self-direction, social and cross-cultural skills, productivity and accountability, and leadership and responsibility. These are also considered good character traits. So it would appear that the business community also needs to become involved in providing character education for our youth.
In fact it is up to all adults in the community to play a role in character education. Kids are our future. They will someday be our doctors, lawyers, politicians, neighbors and employees. We are all stakeholders in our youth developing good character. So we all need to take some responsibility for teaching them good character. Whether we like it or not, we are all role models, so we need to be sure we are GOOD role models. Kids are like sponges. You might not think they are paying attention to what you do and say, but they are.Kids can spot a hypocrite very quickly.So we can’t have a “Do as I say, not as I do” attitude.We need to begin with ourselves and see if we are setting good examples for the young people who are watching and waiting for us to show them the right way.
As a parent, here are simple things you can do to develop good character in your children:
1 – Be a good role model – Don’t just talk the talk – walk the walk.
2 – Take time to talk to your kids about what good character is, why it is important and what it looks like.
3. – Read to your children. Choose books in which a good character trait or value is portrayed. Many children’s books focus on these traits.After reading the book, talk to them about the characters in the story and ask them which character they liked and why. Give them a definition for the character trait.Ask them how they could demonstrate that trait.
4 – Take advantage of “teachable moments.”When an incident in the news or in their personal lives takes place that involves character, strike up a discussion with them about what their thoughts were on the incident. Let them know they can talk to you when they have questions about what is the right thing to do.And often, they might know what is right and what is wrong but they also need to have the moral courage to do what they know is right.
5 – Use recognition rather than rewards. Praise your kids when you see them demonstrating good character. Do not reward them with material items. They need to learn that you do good for the sake of being good, not to gain a reward.
6 – Know your kids’ friends and their parents.
7 – Hold your children accountable for their decisions and actions.
8 – Monitor your child’s TV shows, music, texting and social media pages like Facebook and MySpace. Talk to them about what types of personal information and photos are appropriate and inappropriate.
9 – Get involved with your children’s school. Find out what type of character education program they have.If your child’s school doesn’t seem to put much focus on it, let them know that you feel it is important for the school to teach these traits.
10 – Remember that even the best kids struggle occasionally with basing their decisions on good values. They are facing peer pressure and the pressure to succeed. Character needs to be taught and practiced continuously.
In the words of Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., “Intelligence is not enough.Intelligence plus character – that is the goal of true education.” Don’t assume that your children will grow up to be good people just by chance. They are influenced by so many outside forces every day. Take an active role in teaching your children about good character and giving them opportunities to develop it.
Kids of Character is a local non-profit with a mission to promote character education and development for children and youth in the LehighValley.Contact Gwen Pongracz at
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
or 610-285-2613 or find us on the web at www.kids-of-character.org to learn how we can help you build character in youth.
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